frustration

ok, not going to lie I am just plain frustrated now. sad and weepy downs are over. yesterday I went to posing class to watch. not a good idea. I felt like the fat kid getting picked last for kickball. me on the sidelines taking pictures made me feel like shit. mental maybe... but it's the truth.

I still have no idea when I will be able to see my doctor for the epidural. the first one I talked to wanted me to wait until february 21 just to come in and discuss it... that is crazy to me.

but there are good things. my pt said I can try to walk on the treadmill once it gets very painful then I should stop... yippee!!!!!!!!!!

Physical Therapy and Recovery

Started PT, went for the second time and honestly feel worse. I am also going to schedule the epidural for this week - Tuesday if I can get in that early. I have set my surgery deadline as well. February 8th is it. If I am not at least 90% better by then I am scheduling surgery.

I guess the best part is no weight gain still. No weight loss but no weight gain. still down 2lbs since this started.

Sorry if this journal has turned into a pity party. This is all I can focus on right now.

I bought the new Treo 680... FUN!!!

01.23.07

it's a good day. I've been approved for PT and an epidural (sp) life is good! yes my legs are still totally numb and walking is not cute but the therapy has given me a lot of hope. I start tomorrow!!!

01.21.07

woke up with slightly numb ass, feet and legs still numb/PN. I still believe I am getting slightly better each day. small baby steps but steps in the right direction nonetheless. sitting up is much much better. can't even compare to how bad it was last week. I pushed it a bit today picked up both dogs at the same time (in proper form) I would say each weigh between 15-19 lbs. I carried them to their dog run outside and walked down 5 steps. We'll see if that bothers me at all. I have to do a little of my normal routine or I won't know what is making things worse. or what I can and can't do.

1:42 PM
fun fact of the afternoon: according to fitday I've lost 1.57lbs a week since I started with Sully June 18th. Great Stats! I do need to start losing while home though. maintaining is great considering the situation but losing is what I need to do. having a really successful food day too.

01.20.07

ok... bad food day. I need to stop eating off plan. I weighed in yesterday and still holding strong but with such little activity during the day I need to be really careful. I know I had a whole post about doing Sully's cleanse, but with my irregular hours of being awake, at the doctors etc... it's just not working out for me. So I need to get more organized and eat on plan.

Back Issues summary
woke up with legs stiff, numb, same with feet, butt is a little better. I did walk around a lot today and went out to dinner. Wearing shoes for the first time in a long while. I am sure I look like a freak when walking but I didn't care, I was out and about. Sitting up all day today though.... very good.

01.17.07

Wednesday
time flies when you are in a bed most of the day...

goals today:
water water water
as many meals as possible on plan

tired today... weighed in so I can compare to next tuesday...
still down 46 lbs. perfect! I am very pleased would love to be down 47 or even 48 would be crazy!

01.16.07

Goals for today:
start Sully's cleanse, I think I need something structured like this. He did give me a plan to follow while bed bound but I am going to do this flush because I sleep a lot and shakes will be a lot easier for me right now. It's not all shakes but a good amount. I'll weigh myself at the end of 7 days. so I will weigh in on January 22nd Monday. I haven't been doing terrible but the last two days haven't been great so I need to stop it now before I am bed-bound and fat. I would still love to wear those size 9 jeans by February 17th when Sully comes to town. Oh and I will be there even if on a stretcher I am going to that. no matter what!

update
here is the only problem... I am sleeping a lot because of the medication so eating all the meals is a bit difficult.

today I ate:
M1 4 egg whites/1 whole egg/red pepper/ pinch of lowfat cheese/ lightsytle oatmeal bread
M2 shrimp/vegetables/ bit of soy sauce
M3 Barilla higher protein pasta/ .25 cup of sauce /4 oz of shrimp/ .50 grapefruit
water not up...

Monday 01.15.07

mind is better if that makes sense. well unless I take the medication then I am out of it. I hate medication too. Even when I have a headache I just deal with it....oh well

Back summary issues
woke up with tons of pressure on lower legs, butt, feet,legs and butt still totally asleep. no relief in sight. I know I'm debbie downer

Sunday 01.14.07

nothing exciting happening....

how I feel today:
can sit up on chair in kitchen but is a painful
lower back hurts
both legs still pins and needles and in butt
not many changes so far

january 10, 2007

* not responsible for poor grammer or typos. I am medicated and laying down while typing...

amazing what you miss when you can't do it. simple things, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking etc... and to think I use to hate to do laundry. I would be thrilled to go in there and do a bunch and fold it.

I'll be home for at least two weeks. I am going to need to plan my food the best I can. I had my husband buy chicken, cottage cheese, eggs etc... I need to do my best while home. and protein shakes need to be my last meal of the day.
''
I can't wait to look back on this as it will be a distant memory.

misery loves company

went to the gym, did upper body the best I could. If possible this isetting worse. I am headed to see an orthopedic doctor in the AM. and to make matters worse my right leg is now numb and my ass is so numb I can't feel it when I am walking. UNCLE! I can't take any effing more.
I see no light at the end of this tunnel.

there's nothing more humbling

than an injury... I look so forward to being me again and won't wastea moment. words can not describe how this feels. the crying fits areover for the moment. I am complacent in this new temporary body. MRI results tomorrow and I am hoping this is just a severe pinched nerve and by working out not giving it any time to heal. I do use the words
working out loosely. barely a workout even for a newbie to the gym.

i won't sweat the small stuff. be bothered by things that don't matter. I hear a co-worker complaining about someone not returning something that was borrowed from her. Nothing big, something unimportant. But in reality she can walk and workout if she choose to instead she b*tches about things and eats all day. Movement is a gift that most people waste and take advantage of. I won't ever again.

01.02.07

No training today, since I can barely walk, clean meals are the plan
though, and tons of water.
M1 oatmeal/protein shake
M2 chicken breast/grapefruit
M3 chicken breast/strawberris
M4 egg whites/turkey ham

found a chiropractor I can in to see tonight thankfully! I hope it
makes a difference. I feel dizzy at this point.

01.01.07

not bitching just keeping a journal.... today leg was BAD, numb ass etc...and obvious hip pain.

no training

December 31, 2006

Rather than constantly bitching about my numb leg, ass foot etc. I am going to do my best to stop in my tracks and think of what I can do to keep my progress moving along.

1. continue to research doctors who can help fix this problem
2. eat CLEAN all the time, especially now that working out is limited
3. continue to practice posing when possible
4. weight train with very very light weights and lots of reps
5. focus on upper body if lower body isn't possible, if entire leg is numb
6. plan plan plan all meals and workouts to the best of my ability
7. focus on solving rather than complaining, I do hate complainers....