is every meal my last meal?

I don't know but I've certainly been eating like it. Gained a solid 5lbs of fat a I would assume several lbs of water. this will be a great test for me to get it back together. I cooked all day and planned my workouts. stopping the madness immediately. Plan to weigh in soon, maybe a few weeks or a month from now. we'll see how it goes. I can't weigh until I have several weeks of clean eating or I will have a mental breakdown.

going to start to write out my days and food like I use to... fake it till ya make it right... I am still wearing a 10... so I am not totally freaked out yet.