Randomness

I won't make any written promises to do something... I'll just do it. So I won't tell you what I "plan to do" this week until after I've done it.

I bought this today in BSN Lean Dessert in Whipped Vanilla Cream and I can't wait to try it tomorrow! It looks so good!!! I practiced posing with Blythe today at her house for 20 minutes in my heels. First time in months and I could do it which was good. BUT I need major help in transitions and holding the pose. Man that hurts! I could barely stomach looking at myself in the mirror. Man the mind really effs with you.

New haircut today...The brunette but not so helmit looking and not as many bangs. Kinda cool... I also had her color it. I always do it myself and today was proof that I should continue. It looked exactly the same as when I buy the supplies and do it for 7 dollars. I use the same product as her since I still have my license. But it's hard to wash it out with my crickety back.

Speaking of backs... my feet are ok today. legs not that numb and I did workout and pose so I am curious to see or actually feel the results tomorrow. Hoping a good one.

I've lost sight of my goal and fighting myself daily to get back the vision I have of myself on stage. This injury has hurt me more mentally than physically. I have to engulf myself in all things I was doing before. Posting, posing, using fitday etc... take the steps to be who I want to be. Because each day I don't is a day further away.

Anyway.... until whenever... remember no more promises.

is every meal my last meal?

I don't know but I've certainly been eating like it. Gained a solid 5lbs of fat a I would assume several lbs of water. this will be a great test for me to get it back together. I cooked all day and planned my workouts. stopping the madness immediately. Plan to weigh in soon, maybe a few weeks or a month from now. we'll see how it goes. I can't weigh until I have several weeks of clean eating or I will have a mental breakdown.

going to start to write out my days and food like I use to... fake it till ya make it right... I am still wearing a 10... so I am not totally freaked out yet.

feels like a good day to bitch

maybe I am doing too much? working out earl, new job where walking is involved then sitting all day. my butt was pretty sore on friday. today saturday my right foot (heel) is going to sleep a bit more, my bicep is hurting (pretty sure I overdid it at the gym this week). what a train wreck! staying in all weekend and hope to feel better on monday. I start PT with Cohl later that night. Still holding out for June to be better... boy do I hope.

new beginnings

First day of work with my new company today. Went well, you know how first few months are... you have to ask a million questions and I hate that. My boss is very nice and co-workers seem to be equally decent.

Now on to food. HORRIBLE for at least 8 days now. Sully would fire me if he knew! Tomorrow is Venom and controlled portions of whatever I eat. Since I am training with my boss now eating at my desk 4 times isn't an option so I will do whatever I can to eat as clean as possible starting tomorrow AM. I am working out the best I can even though my food sucks. But the food sucks! LOL

decent day

each day is getting better! I love it... today I had my BF done by JP and it's 35.8. not upset it's better than I thought actually. Now that I know I can see where I move from here. I have 106 Lean Mass and 59 lbs of fat... nice! LOL