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January 27, 2005

day 1

Uneffing Believable

The following post was emailed to several people who convinced me I need to "blog" so here you have it the beginning...


I woke up put on my lavender "what Richard deems as my old lady robe" with nothing on under it. We have the invisible fence so I put the collars on the dogs open the door and they typically go the bathroom and run home. They understand their boundaries. Until today... Perhaps the snow messed with the frequencies...My next door neighbor has a rottweiler that was outside this morning behind their fence. But my dogs LOVE (or use to before we bought the invisible fence) run and bark like lunatics at that dog waking up the neighbors in a 2 mile radius. So, this morning my boy Chief ran over and started barking. Soon after Pepper followed. Back and forth up and down the fence barking and barking. I swiftly put on Richards Knee high snow boats, Tie my robe tightly and run outside like Roseanne Barr screaming Chief. I take one step outside and fall on the icy steps. I slide down all three "T and A" was everywhere. (Believe it or not I did not pee!) The robe was practically open. Wasn't it bad enough I fell? Do I have to show the neighbors my Cha- Cha too?! So, I pull myself together, get up and proceed to chase Chief up and down the fence screaming "GET IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!". He knows he is a bad boy... Finally walks in the house and I slapped his face like an episode of the White Trash hit "Cops". He's done this so many times and knows better!

It's time to get ready for work, I decide to take a bath, it may help my back. The two dogs sit with me while I take a shower in the morning, as they did today. Anyway I get in the tub and sit down...the next thing I know the curtain moves and Chief jumps in the tub with me to show me how sorry he was. Nails and fur were everywhere. I was scratched up everywhere. Needless to say we made up.

I decide I need to go to the store to get those temporary heating pads for my back. So ironically they are on the bottom shelf. I had to get on my hands and knees to pull it off the shelf. So I was on all 4's at the grocery store. Lovely...

I figured now ( in the parking lot) is a good time as ever to put the back pad on. So I get into my car push the seat back and pull my pants practically off. If you never seen a temporary heating pad it's similar to a diaper. So I am in the car bare assed wrapping a diaper/pad around my waist. As if closing my pants with a pair of underwear isn't a struggle already. So if you notice an elastic Pampers type pad sticking above my pants please feel free to let me know.

Finally on my way to work and I take a drink of water. Go figure it spills
all over my crotch and looks as if I pissed my pants.


P.S. I have my period


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