February 22, 2007

my secret

I have a secret... I've been walking around with it for over eight weeks now. You can't see it, it's not tangible but I live with it 24 hours a day. When I go out in public no one would know. My secret is a test of will and strength. Some days I win and others my secret wins. I am stronger than it, I tell myself daily. It's not my fate to carry this secret around forever. It's not my path. It's not meant to be. Today the secret it testing me, playing with my mind. I am fighting it with everything I have.

This morning when I went to the gym, I finally had the nerve to go upstairs and open my locker from 8 weeks ago with all my things in it. It made me a bit sad, it felt like I was opening up a door of my old life. Sitting nicely was my hairdryer, brush and other assorted things I use to get ready every morning before heading to work. I was planning on taking all of it home - but decided to keep it there. Because one day my secret will be a memory and I will be able to do what I use to do.

Some days I like my secret it makes me strong. I see others that have nothing physically wrong with them and choose to waste it. Precious time they could be doing things to make themselves healthier. I know that a large percentage of people would be taking drugs and given up by now. I haven't given up.... and never will.

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